Being cocky is bad for your health.

Bagaimana mengingatkan seorang teman yang sombong? Akhir-akhir ini pertanyaan itu terus menggangguku. Bagaimana kalau, temanmu, yang sudah sangat lama berteman denganmu, ternyata menjadi semakin sombong? What to do? How to react?

Dia menjadi mudah marah, semakin tertutup, dan makin tak kukenal. Ketika makan bersamaku, dia dengan sengaja menyibukkan diri dengan blackberry-nya, seolah-olah apapun yang aku bicarakan tidak lebih berharga dari status orang-orang yang bisa dilihatnya nanti. Aku merasa tak dihargai. Aku harus mengakui itu. Dan aku tidak akan semudah itu merasa tak dihargai oleh teman-temanku, kecuali jika it was so obvious.

Dan ia mengatakan hal-hal terhadapku atau kepadaku, yang menurutku, ah, sombong sekali orang ini! Aku sedih karena aku harus mendengarnya dari teman yang sangat lama kukenal, seolah aku sudah tak mengenalnya lagi.

Memang, sejak dulu, hubungan persahabatan kami adalah kompetisi baginya. Bahkan di saat lulus kuliah pun kami sempat 'break', bukan hanya karena aku berpindah kota, tapi karena ia menganggapku kompetitor, bukan sahabat.

And now, it's been 7 years since that time, and 14 years since we first sat in the same class. I can't imagine, that it's happening again. People should have changed, right.

But I've decided, because we are now adults, I think I want to let her think for herself. Aku tak akan bisa berbicara pada batu. Hanya Tuhan yang bisa berbicara pada batu-batu yang keras. Tentang batu, kamu hanya bisa menunggu, menunggu sampai batu-batu itu berbicara kepadamu. Dan saat waktu itu datang, aku akan siap mendengarnya. But for now, it's time to focus on the most important things.

Mungkin memang hari-hari ini, teman-temanku sedang dipangkas oleh Tuhan. Aku yakin, 'pemangkasan' itu juga berguna untuk mendewasakanku.


Ukuran-ukuran Dunia dan Ukuran Allah.


“Real Men Use Three Pedals”

Kalimat itu menggangguku. Aku sedang dalam perjalanan ke kantor waktu aku melihat stiker ini terpampang pada kaca belakang sebuah mobil.

Why on earth would they say that? So, para pengguna mobil matic bukan pria sejati? Atau bukan pria sama sekali?

Ukuran. Dunia punya ukuran. Masyarakat kita punya ukuran. Ukuran-ukuran kesempurnaan. Dan begitu mengintimidasinya ukuran itu sehingga kita pun secara tak sadar mengikutinya. Diukur olehnya. Merasa harus memenuhi ukuran-ukuran tersebut untuk dapat dikatakan ‘sempurna’. Agar orang melihat mereka sempurna. Ini hanya dugaanku, tapi aku yakin, ada beberapa pria mengganti mobil maticnya dengan manual, hanya karena tulisan itu. Karena mereka ingin disebut "Real Men".

Lalu, ini kasus yang berbeda. Tapi masih tentang ukuran kesempurnaan. Aku sedang menggoda temanku soal usianya yang akan memasuki 30 dalam beberapa hari ke depan. Menurutku, itu harus dirayakan. Karena usia 30 di beberapa negara, is the new 20, right! And it has to be celebrated. Itu adalah tonggak kemandirian, kematangan, dan kepercayaan diri. Tapi aku salah, itu di luar negeri. So, right after I said about the whole celebration thingy, she got angry and said that she doesn't want to talk about it. Aku kaget dong. Mengapa sampai harus marah?

Aku teliti lagi. Lalu aku sadar, lagi-lagi ini masalah ukuran. Seorang wanita di Indonesia harus sudah menikah dan paling tidak punya seorang anak di usia 30. Dan kalau belum, maka ia tak sempurna, atau bukanwanita yang baik. Padahal, siapa yang bilang begitu? Seperti temanku itu, aku pun sebentar lagi akan berusia 30 tahun, still single (but happy), and trusting God fully that He is never late about this kind of thing. Kalau memang sudah waktunya ya sudah waktunya, there is no rush. And keadaanmu yang sekarang sama sekali tidak mendefinisikan keseluruhan kamu. Well, aku bohong kalau aku bilang aku tidak pernah tertekan. Aku pun kadang frustasi karena ukuran yang mengatakan bahwa ‘di uria 30 kamu harus sudah berkeluarga’ itu, tapi aku menolak untuk diukur olehnya. I refuse to be measured that way. Because it is not who I am.

Dan baru saja, pegawaiku menunjukkan sebungkus rokok yang baru saja dibelinya. Ia merokok lagi, padahal kami –aku dan papa– benar-benar menganjurkan agar dia tidak merokok, for his own health. Karena ia sudah memasuki umur 40an. Tetapi aku berusaha menelaah masalah. Ah! Akhirnya aku tahu. Masalahnya, ada beberapa tukang cat sedang bekerja di rumahku. Mereka sedang memperbaiki tembok rumah kami. Dan tentu saja, mereka merokok. Apa kata mereka, jika pegawaiku, seorang laki-laki berusia 40an tahun, tidak merokok, tentu itu ‘memalukan’. Rokok kan salah satu ukuran kesejatian pria, kalau kamu perhatikan. Bahkan lebih gila lagi, ada wanita-wanita yang mengijinkan, bahkan menganjurkan suaminya merokok, karena menurut mereka laki-laki memang harus merokok, so they will look manly! Could you imagine that? Rokok! What are you thinking? Okay they look manly, but then they got sick and die? Apakah manly masih penting, menurutmu?

Ukuran, ukuran, ukuran, ukuran ada di sana sini. Ukuran ada di mana-mana Ukuran itu mengharuskan kamu seperti itu, ukuran mengharuskan kamu melakukan itu, agar kamu tampak ‘sempurna’. Potongan rambutmu, pakaianmu, perawakanmu, seluruh eksistensi dirimu diukur oleh sesuatu.

Padahal ukuran kesempurnaan menurut Allah, sama sekali berbeda dari ukuran-ukuran dunia. Sempurna menurut Allah, b`hkan tidak berarti ‘lengkap’. Sempurna menurut Allah, adalah kamu tahu, bahwa kamu direncanakan untuk kemuliaan. Yes, itu ukuran sempurna Tuhan. If you know that you are planned for glory, then you are perfect. Ketika kamu mengerti dan menerima apa yang Allah katakan tentang kamu, sebagaimana kamu ada sekarang, saat itulah kamu akan dapat melakukan hal-hal yang besar, dan yang jauh lebih besar, dari apa yang kamu pikir bisa kamu lakukan.

Memahami hal itu, membuat Nick Vujicic, bisa terus hidup, berkarya, dan bahkan menikah di tahun ini. Memahami bahwa ia direncanakan untuk kemuliaan, meski ia tak memenuhi ukuran kesempurnaan dunia –bahwa seorang laki-laki harus tegap dan gagah dengan tangan dan kaki yang lengkap– membuatnya mampu melakukan hal-hal yang besar, yang bahkan di luar batas pikiran manusia.

Memahami pendapat Allah tentang kesempurnaan, juga membuat Hee Ah Lee mampu memainkan piano dengan keempat jari yang dipunyainya, mungkin jauh lebih baik dari apa yang dapat dilakukan oleh seorang pianis yang memiliki sepuluh jari lengkap.

Memahami arti kesempurnaan yang sesungguhnya, membuat Barrack Obama, seorang pria berkulit hitam dari kalangan biasa, berhasil menapakkan kaki di Gedung Putih dan menjadi Presiden Amerika Serikat yang ke-44.

Jadi aku hanya ingin make a loud noise soal ini. Aku ingin meneriakkan ukuran Allah lebih keras dari semua ukuran manusia di dunia ini. Hey, kalian direncanakan untuk kemuliaan, so you are as perfect as God made you. Kamu tak kurang tinggi, kurang pendek, kurang tampan, atau kurang cantik. Tak masalah kalau di usia 30 kamu belum menikah. Tak masalah kalau kamu memakai mobil matic. Dan sama sekali bukan masalah, malah hal yang baik, kalau kamu tidak merokok. Don’t let the world tell you what is perfect. Hear only what God said about perfection. And to God, you are already worthy and perfect in His eyes. Understand that. And you will be free.

Sometimes you just need to take the leap.

They must think that I'm crazy.

I decided to switch job a while ago. But here's the problem. My new office is like a hundred miles away. Compare it to my old office, which is only 10 minutes from home, you can say I'm totally amazed, by the long journey, the early wake-up, the expensive transportation cost...

And because I'm freelancing, my income is not as much as my old job. But my expenses are hitting the red line. Since I have to return my old company's facilities, such as laptop, camera, etc, and I have to buy one for my own.

And my Dad is fixing the house (at this exact same time, can you imagine?!). I have to pay for that too.
And my transportation expense is much more than before. (I think I've said it twice...)
And the food here is 3 times more expensive.

I even think that I'm crazy.

But...

I know God is doing something amazing, when He sent me here, to this new office. I can't see it all now, but I see a glance of the 'big plan', and it made me happy already.

I met new people, new and fun people. Some of them are really funny. I can say for sure that I'm happy working here, because I got my joy back. My working appetite is getting better and better. Compared to my old job? It was devastating! I couldn't even laugh that time. Now, my friends at the old office envy me. I look so happy!

And because I'm freelancing, I don't have to go to the office everyday, just three days in a week. So I can spend half of each week continuing my study about God, and writing about Him. Also, I can finish my long-delayed book.

And my Dad, He keeps getting more and more money from our family, in so many ways I can't understand. So I don't need to worry about his well-being. It seems like it's God's way to tell me that I'm doing the right thing, and I'm going the right way. Even if I haven't seen the great things yet. Seeing the good little things are already a breath of fresh air. Praise God.

And today, I heard that my boss is preparing a new office. Well I pray that it will be closer to my home. Who knows? God is doing such an amazing change in my life. I know He has prepared everything too... He might move the office to be closer to His daughter, if He thinks it's good for her.

These first weeks, and months, it will be just the beginning. I know that God is preparing something great in a few months. I can feel it. That has fueled my spirit and gives me so much strength to keep moving forward.

He gives me this new job, in such a miraculous way. He will make it work.

All I need to do is to trust Him. And trust Him fully.

Have you ever been grateful for what you have?

Thank God,
For my feet, so I can walk wherever I want, and stop, when I have to.

Thank God,
For my eyes, so I can see the beauty of this world, technology, human arts, and see only the good in life and people.

Thank God,
For my ears, so I can listen to the wonderful songs and dance to it.

Thank God,
For my hands, so I can write all the good things God has done in my life. So I can hold the people I love. And lift my hand to praise God.

Thank God,
For my mouth, so I can tell people how much God loves them. So I can speak about truth and grace, whenever He wants me to.

Thank God,
For everything that God has given to me. I am grateful every second.

God is In The Rainy Day.


The rainy day is coming in my country. One thing to tell you, God is in the rainy day. God is in your rainy days. He doesn't leave you wet under the rain. He even stop the rain for you if He has to. It happens to me all the time. Like today, there is no rain in the morning, though last night was the beginning of a very hard rain. He knows that some of us (including me), don't travel by cars, so it's gonna be a big problem if it's raining, but it's not. And I'm thankful. God is in the little things. God is in the rain.

The Grace and My Favorite Songs.

For two Sundays God has proven to me His grace is real. And I have to write this so I won't forget it years later. I still remember, the first Sunday, I was on my way to the church, and suddenly God asked something in my heart, "What song do you want to hear today in the church, dear?" Well God knows that I have this thing with songs. I can't really relate with the worship if I don't know the song. 

So as I speed up my motorbike, I said, "Well do you think it's a bit odd, to ask me what I want to hear? We are all going there so you can hear our praises, Lord. But, if you ask me, well, it would be cool if I can hear some Israel Houghton's songs." Though I knew that they usually don't sing that kind of gospel song in my morning church. 

I rushed myself to the service because I was 15 minutes late, sat down, said my prayers, and joined the praises. It was the second song I think, when I heard a very, very familiar tune. Then the worship leader started to sing "I'm a friend of God, I'm a friend of God..."

I was in awe... I couldn't say anything. I just smiled all the way. It was Israel Houghton's song. This morning church doesn't sing gospel songs, but they sang it anyway, because God wanted to let His daughter know that His grace is real. 

The next Sunday, I was on my way to Church again, the same morning church. And I was listening to an Indonesian praise song, called "Allah Sanggup" (God is able). It's a very cool song and I love it. So I had this wild thoughts, I said to myself "It would be crazy, if suddenly they play this song in the church, because no way that could happen".

I came to the church, sat down, said my prayers, and got up to join the praises. And there, for the second time, I heard a very familiar tune, because I just heard it on my iPod! And suddenly they just started singing the song "Allah Sanggup".

That was one in a million chances. That was amazing. That was real! I got no one to share this with until now though. I kept it to myself, even from my cell group friends because I don't want to sound cocky. Remember why everybody hated John? Because John always said, He was the one God loved. Though everybody is loved by God, but only John realized it and admitted it.

But I am thankful, because for two weeks in a row, God showed me that His grace is real, therefore sufficient, for any of us. So whenever you think that God doesn't remember that it's your birthday, or He doesn't care that you need a car, or a decent job. Believe me, you are wrong. If He has the time to play your favorite song, He has the time for all the important things in your life. I still have so much to tell about His grace in that part too. And it will be on my next post.

Because God Has Made Everything New.

So here's the news. I have finally changed my blog's name just now. I hope you find it nice. It's quite a big change actually. Because if you understand the blogging business, it's not usual to change a blog's name. But anyway, I feel that my life has changed in the past 2 years, so a lot of me have changed too. But it is now moving toward the right direction. My visions, my concerns of the world and the people, it all got clearer and better. That's why I need to change the name. To acknowledge the big change God has made in my life.

Why "The Grace Observed"? Well, I have to admit, I am quite inspired by a book written by C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed". I was reading it because I'm writing a book about overcoming grief. But thankful to God, this year, my life is no longer about grief. I have come to my senses that Mom is with God now. She is happy and having a huge party with Grandma up there. Moreover, this exact same year, God has introduced me to His "grace". The word that is so common, but so mysterious as well, to the human mind. And I have spent some time understanding and observing the grace, that I became a 'tiny' bit obsessed by it. Well, then a word came to me one night "grace observed". If I think about it, well, yes, I am observing the grace for a few months now, and still doing it. And maybe will keep doing it until my time is through. The point is, you will never really understand the grace of God. Because you are human beings, with human minds. But you can observe, feel, and be thankful of the grace. That is, fortunately, all you need to do. Like pastor Joseph Prince once said, just receive it. I like that word. Receive. (No, no, I'm not gonna change my blog's name again). So The Grace Observed represents my journey in 2012. It represents what I'm doing. What my life is about. And I want to share to you my findings about God's grace, also my days living inside the grace, so you can be blessed by the fact that, by grace, you are already free.

Ps: I hope you like the new simple design too... Thanks to the Manifest template, I can now have a clean and strict forward blog page.

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